I have a new favorite book: The Gap and the Gain

Here are some distilled key points for you

What is this book about?

Different perspectives on how to evaluate personal growth are outlined in The Gap and The Gain. When you engage in “gap-thinking,” you concentrate on the difference between your current situation and the one in which you envision yourself succeeding. Focusing on your progress, or the “gains” you’ve made, is known as a “gain-thinking” mentality.

In the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson said that happiness was something you had to go out and find.

The writers argue that there are two distinct ways of understanding your development or successes in life: gap-thinking and gain-thinking.

The concept of “Gaps” and “Gains” is based on comparison. Both perspectives include using a standard other than one’s present self as a yardstick against which one’s success can be judged. The key distinction between the two perspectives is in the orientation of the comparison. Gap thinking entails looking ahead and judging your progress against some idealized version of yourself in the future. To consider in terms of gains is to make calculations based on one’s previous self.

The authors contend that hedonic adaptation, the state of having your desires satisfied but still desiring more, makes evaluating progress unhealthy. As a result, you never settle for the status quo and are constantly striving for more success. You should instead take a look backward, as your older self is more objective and fixed. As a result, you’ll always have something to strive toward as a benchmark of your success.

The Difference between Internal and External Factors

The distinction between Gap and Gain thinking also lies in the motive behind it. When you’re in Gap-thinking mode, you let outside influences drive your actions.

The idealized version of yourself that you use as a benchmark is rooted in the expectations of others. The authors argue that this deprives you of the agency necessary to push yourself by giving up any say in how you define your success.

The authors argue, however, that when you adopt a Gain attitude, you are driven by your own internal incentives. You make mental comparisons to your former self. Because your prior self determines the bar for development, you have entire say over its appearance.

According to the self-determination theory of psychology, this degree of autonomy is important to experiencing intrinsic motivation and a sense of personal growth and development. By empowering you to determine your standards for success, Gain-thinking increases your chances of achieving those standards.

Takeaways: Some nuggets of wisdom to analyze and internalize:

1. When people are optimistic, they can achieve better results. To be happy, you need neither material possessions nor other people. Trying to acquire all the things you think you require turns life into a never-ending rat race. Right now, you can decide to be happy by deciding to accept and enjoy your life as it is. It’s pointless to evaluate oneself in relation to others.
2. Living up to your own, internal measure of success is the only thing that can truly make you happy and fulfilled. The adult years are a time of unparalleled opportunity to self-determine. It’s up to you to determine what’s most essential. Unhappy people are more likely to get sick and miss work. Conversely, those who keep a positive outlook can boost their health even if they don’t alter their actions.
3. The GAIN involves acknowledging your accomplishments and appreciating the lessons learned from every event. If you take this optimistic stance, you’ll find that life actually improves your well-being. It’s crucial to keep an in-depth track record of your development. It’s a common mistake to judge one’s present success by the standards of some imagined ideal future self.
4. True progress can only be appreciated by comparing current accomplishments to those of the past. By shifting your perspective, you may find the silver lining in even the darkest of situations. If you’re feeling the want to run away from a difficult situation, this physical activity can help you face it head-on. You’ll be able to take in the world as much or as little as you desire. Evaluate your success by looking back at your previous efforts. What you’re doing is GAIN thinking, and it will give you a tremendous boost in spirit.

CONCLUSION:

There is no requirement to seek joy. Choosing joy right now is a viable option. Set your personal standards for achievement and stop judging yourself against others. Because the future is always unreal, you cannot judge your development against some idealized version of it. Evaluate your success by looking back at your previous efforts. And be sure to toast your many accomplishments. What you’re doing is GAIN thinking, and it will give you a tremendous boost in spirit. Even if it doesn’t come easily to you, with practice you can get better at it.

TAKE ACTION ON THIS KNOWLEDGE:

1. Being in the GAP from time to time is okay. You shouldn’t get discouraged if you find yourself in a gap. When that happens, it’s time to pivot and correct. Make sure you never judge yourself too harshly. Keeping your self-talk positive will make a difference to how you achieve your goals.
2. When things don’t go as planned, it’s natural to feel down or disappointed. Just because you’ve learned the value of optimism doesn’t mean you’ll automatically start enjoying life in perpetuity. Give yourself five minutes to truly mourn a loss and wallow in self-pity. To rephrase, make the most of that time and fully accept the GAP in those five minutes. Consider what you’ve learned and how far you’ve come, and then make a conscious effort to switch into GAIN mode.
3. To maintain a Gain state of mind, practice gratitude by focusing on the positives rather than dwelling on shortcomings. Hardy and Sullivan advocate keeping a journal as a means of comparing one’s current self to one’s prior selves in an objective manner.
4. Make plans for the future. Hardy and Sullivan suggest doing this in the hour leading up to bedtime. Many people believe this is the most crucial part of the day, since it determines how well you sleep and how you’ll be able to handle the challenges of the next day. Put this time to good use by keeping a diary. You can begin with the three accomplishments you accomplished that day, as recommended above, and then add the three more you want to accomplish the following day. This will set the stage for your subconscious day-of preparations to begin as you sleep.
5. Make and use implementation intents. These are your worst-case scenario plans, and they will most certainly put you in a Gap frame of mind. By doing so, you will be less vulnerable to Gap-thinking and more capable of dealing with adversity when it unexpectedly arises. Choosing in advance how you will deal with stress after a long day without smoking would be an example of a well-thought-out implementation aim for someone trying to quit smoking. Better coping methods can be developed, rather than the Gap mentality of resenting one’s inability to smoke.
6. Taking personal responsibility is the best way to counteract the effects of Gap-thinking. In order to escape Gap thinking, one must first be conscious that they are in it. If you find yourself slipping into Gap thinking, stop right away and tell yourself to stop. Avoid being in this state of mind for more than five minutes at a time. If you want to turn a negative experience into a positive one, all you have to do is think about what you’ve learnt in the few minutes after the timer goes off. Keep going.